crap

my mom leave on her own, i wonder is it me the reason?or my dad?

this week i spent uncomfortably, i felt awkward toward my own family, i choose being myself than gathering around, and one noticeable thing is that i don't talk much, seriously, i never open any conversation, not any. Especially with my bros, i never even answer their question. Are you wondering why? well i don't know. I just DON'T want to. Strange eh
yesterday my dad asked me, if i got unfulfilled wish that makes me act so mean. Well i said none (the truth is i REALLY want an SLR camera but that is not the reason, i want to afford it MYSELF, my father should get the doctoral degree by that money next year).
I don't know either, i act normally (nicely) to my friends. Then i wondering, do i have any grudges to them? what have they done?
well after i wondering..
i often feel mismatch, heartbreak and dissapointed. I just remember some of them but the point is it's very rude to write it down, none of us perfect rite?hm! then what's the point apologizing on ied al fitr..ahh..i feel it's just a title, just a ritual, not done by heart.. (astagfirullah)...but thats what i'm thinking, because after apologizing they make another same mistake..ahhhh

well, i got a lot to write but i should do magrib prayer first...

things i learn from this ramadhan

i lived in a penthouse, it's not mine but someone ask me to live there, it was luxurious, but u can't waste much water because someone will scold at you (strange)when you do that. The most amazing thing, when you climb to the rooftop, you can see mecca on the left side while England and Chinese great wall on the right side. Also, if you're sitting at work desk you'll see great view of sea and mountain. I was so amazed but suddenly my father wake me up. "wake up, it's 9.3o!" whew!what a great dream since I've never had any lately. I wonder if it were a reality, where would it be?paradise?