crap

my mom leave on her own, i wonder is it me the reason?or my dad?

this week i spent uncomfortably, i felt awkward toward my own family, i choose being myself than gathering around, and one noticeable thing is that i don't talk much, seriously, i never open any conversation, not any. Especially with my bros, i never even answer their question. Are you wondering why? well i don't know. I just DON'T want to. Strange eh
yesterday my dad asked me, if i got unfulfilled wish that makes me act so mean. Well i said none (the truth is i REALLY want an SLR camera but that is not the reason, i want to afford it MYSELF, my father should get the doctoral degree by that money next year).
I don't know either, i act normally (nicely) to my friends. Then i wondering, do i have any grudges to them? what have they done?
well after i wondering..
i often feel mismatch, heartbreak and dissapointed. I just remember some of them but the point is it's very rude to write it down, none of us perfect rite?hm! then what's the point apologizing on ied al fitr..ahh..i feel it's just a title, just a ritual, not done by heart.. (astagfirullah)...but thats what i'm thinking, because after apologizing they make another same mistake..ahhhh

well, i got a lot to write but i should do magrib prayer first...